Today is a year since death opened the door for you. That day is still so vivid of us saying good-bye and leaving the hospital in the middle of the night. I have struggled with your loss along with others. You’re always in my thoughts and there are days where I find myself overwhelmed knowing I'll never see you again—a claustrophobic pain. I miss your laugh, but what I miss most is your voice. I wish I could hear it again, even if it is to reprimand me for something.
I published my book, Net Switch, two weeks after you passed. At first, I thought about not publishing, but I was reminded that you said I had to publish after all the hard work I put into it. The book is dedicated to you. It was a great achievement of mine, but I didn’t feel much like celebrating. I’m working on another novel. Hopefully this one will become a best seller.
We made the decision to live in Germany, so I moved here in August. I have your things with me, and will be bringing more next year. They give me comfort. You might not be here with me mom, but every room will have some memory of you. We're also getting married. Who woulda thunk it? Me ... who said she’d NEVER marry.
I’m taking German classes. I know what you’re thinking; you sent us to Lithuanian school to learn Lithuanian and all we learned was how to get into trouble. Okay, I admit it, I had an attitude back then, but I’ve matured.
It’s your favorite time of the year. Yesterday morning, I woke to a light coat of snow on the ground and I smiled up at you. We have been getting the flat in order and I think about how great it would have been if you came to stay with us for a month or 3 months at a time. You said Germany was one of the places you always wanted to visit. We could have flown to Vilnius for a week or a weekend.
This is the second Christmas without you, but I was too numb last year to feel the loss. This year ... it’s a lot harder.
“I Love you all dearly, Now don’t shed a tear, Cause I’m spending my Christmas with Jesus this year.” –John Wm. Mooney, Jr.
There will always be a void in my life—you. May you have eternal happiness and be celebrating with your mother and father. I miss you. Saldžių sapnų, my dear mother.
Love your baby, always and forever,Denise